Our Little Tax Write-Off

Even when Jacob isn’t trying, there are times when he really touches my heart in a very positive way. He doesn’t even know he is doing it either.

Today in church, I heard a sad story which, as a father, touched me emotionally. The story was about the one-child policy in another country. Parents are allowed only one child and therefore, want sons because they will earn better livings and therefore be able to care for them better in the future.

Anyways, the reasoning behind the law wasn’t what hit me hard. The fact that parents will give up (either before or after birth) a child if it is a girl or has a defect is what broke my heart. As a result, there are buildings many stories high that are filled with children and babies who were given up on. Most of them either girls or children with a defect. Rows and rows of cribs are there and those that work in these places will simply place a bottle in each crib and move on. If the baby figures out how to drink from the bottle, it drank. The ones that don’t … well, I don’t even want to think about that.

The part that really struck me hard was that most of these babies never know what it is like to be loved or held. That was so tough to hear. Thankfully, our church is one that goes to these types of places on missions to try to help, which makes me so proud.

Still, I think of our little Jacob and am so thankful that he has both Valerie and myself. I thought, “Wow, I mess up — a lot. I may not be a perfect parent, but I am sure better than that, right?” I tend to focus a lot on the mistakes that I make with Jacob, trying to learn from them and do better, but still feeling bad for them.

Then later, when Valerie picked up Jacob from our church’s ITM (Infant/Toddler Ministry) and brought him back into the worship center, he saw me from the door and ran to me while yelling “daaaaaddyyyyyy” and practically jumped into my arms. He was so happy to see me. Then I got emotional again because it was then that I realized something. No matter how much I think I mess up as a parent, no matter how many mistakes I think that I make, it does not matter to Jacob. His love is unconditional. Mistakes are forgotten and all he knows is that I am daddy and he loves me no matter what. The mistakes won’t stop, but neither will Jacob’s love. And trust me, the fact that this lesson was taught to me in church was not lost on me.

Even at 2 years old, an age when you would think that it would be Jacob learning lessons from me, it is actually him who has a thing or two to teach me.

I am sure every parent is proud of their kid, but the older Jacob gets, the more impressed I am by the little person he is becoming. He continually surprises us with a new word, phrase, or song, or by showing off his kind heart.

This week Jacob fully transitioned to the preschool side of his daycare. So he is in pre-pre-school or something. He is adapting so well, and the teacher gives us a glowing report each day. So far, he has come home singing songs I had no idea he knew, has shown a great love of art, and been so happy to be reunited with friends from his old classes.

Today was an especially touching day for me. Another, older girl was having a hard time saying goodbye to her mommy, and Jacob wasn’t sure what to make of it. I explained to him that the little girl was sad because she missed her mommy, and that maybe she needed a friend. Jacob went right up to her and tried to show her the toys nearby. He even handed her a piece of a puzzle and had the most genuine concerned look on his face. I wanted to cry too, because of his pure heart. While he couldn’t make her feel better, I did see the little girl sneak a peek at him and I just hope he made a small difference. What a sweet moment.

I was also proud today because during a spaghetti dinner (mostly noodles for Jacob) after eating with his hands proved to be slow, he tried out the fork and actually understood me when I said to lean over his bowl to get closer to the food. He got what I meant right away and spaghetti night was never so clean!  He also prayed before his meal with mommy and daddy, asking (as always) for more “Amen”.

This two year old is getting to be such a little man. I can’t believe all the changes in such a short time. He is such a blessing in our lives.

Jacob enjoying a little art at school

This pregnancy is kicking my booty right now. I have constant nausea and am starting to get tired and moody. Luckily we have started to tell our family, in case it shows. I am so grateful to be pregnant again, but am ready for this part to be over and be on to the glowy, big belly part.

Jacob has been acting differently too, but I can’t be sure if it is because he is two or because he senses something is different. I am trying to be extra patient with him, but it is hard when I feel so sick. For now I will just give him extra love and kisses.

In a few more weeks I should start feeling better and we will get another ultrasound to see how everything is progressing. It will be exciting to go through that again, and to see our little bean.