Our Little Tax Write-Off

I literally am rounding! I look in the mirror or at pictures David takes of me and it seems that I am further along than I am supposed to be! We’ve had two ultrasounds, so I know there are not two in there, but it sure looks like it! This little bump is going to be hard to hide at work.

I am looking forward to officially be in the second trimester. Should be a few days now. For some reason my nausea has been a little worse the last few days, which is disappointing when on vacation. I am still really struggling with getting vegetables in me, so I will try to make that a goal for the week. I have to hope baby is getting all it needs from my reserves.

Vacation is over today, and I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with my husband. We had so much fun over the last week. I can’t wait for the holidays now.

I am so over the moon after yesterday’s appointments! I still can’t believe how incredible it was to see our baby waving at us and moving all over. It is amazing how much detail an ultrasound can give. At one point I saw baby’s mouth opening and closing, like he/she was trying to talk to us 🙂 The baby was even trying to suck its hand!

I feel so incredibly blessed and grateful for this miracle. It has been a nerve-wrecking road so far, but I am starting to feel relief. I know with the continued support and prayers from our families, we will be okay.

Other than this incredible high I feel, I am doing just fine. Still fighting a bit of nausea, but it is manageable. I will be into my second trimester soon, so I should start feeling even better. I haven’t been super tired, but I have had some trouble sleeping. Maybe this next trip to San Diego will help me get that last bit of relaxation before tackling the next hurdle of pregnancy…gaining a big belly!

Here are the photos from the second ultrasound with baby Bonilla at 12 weeks and 2 days. Baby Bonilla was active. The first thing we saw was baby Bonilla waving at us. Then came the kicking, turning, dancing … and I think I saw baby do a jumping jack. Maybe not. But baby was very active today and getting baby to sit still for the camera was difficult, but the nurse was a pro.

It hit me last night, the night before our second ultrasound appointment. I nervous level jumped extremely high. What would we see at the appointment in the morning? Would it be good news? Sitting in the doctor’s office, as it was time to listen for the babu, I grew even more nervous. Trying not to show my nervousness too much, I could see that Valerie was very nervous as well. Here we were, ready to see how this baby was doing. We had been through this once before. I prayed that this time, things would be ok. I had to have faith and I had to try to stay calm.

And then I heard it. Well, the doctor said I heard it. I was not exactly sure what I was hearing. She said, “That’s the baby’s heartbeat.” Ok. If you say so. It sounds like a bunch of static to me. Then Valerie said she heard it too. Ok. If you say so. It sounds like a bunch of static to me. Then I could kind of make out a little swoosh sound within the static. I think I heard it. I mean, you could have told me it was anything and I would have said, “Ok. If you say so.” But I think I heard it too. And at that moment, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. After months of wondering, it all became very real again. All of a sudden the excitement and joy hit me and it has been a long time since I have had a great day like this.

I have hit the 12 week mark, an I am celebrating in Santa Barbara with David. We are relaxing and walking around a LOT. This is the most exercise I have been able to muster in a while, but I am glad for it. I feel pretty good except when I suddenly start to get hungry and must have food right away.

I finally feel a little growth that isn’t just an ice cream belly. I also am feeling some teeny vibrations once in a while coming from my lower abdomen. It is probably way to soon to think it is baby, but it is better to think that than the latest snack being digested. We shall see.

Our appointment is on Tuesday, Oct 30, so please keep praying for us!

I have come to the 11th week. Baby should be changing from a lime to a plum size. One more week until our next appointment and I am trying not to be nervous. For the most part I think things are going well. I still have some nausea, mostly when my stomach is empty. Mornings can be tough, especially as I am trying to get off to work. I do the best I can, though.

I have a good amount of energy, it seems. I try to get a few walks in during the day. They are short, but the hills I face make it a good workout 🙂

David thinks I am showing, but I am not convinced it isn’t an ice cream bump. I am getting round, but at least my work pants still fit. I am trying to wear looser clothes so my stomach isn’t so noticeable, but I still see it.

I am looking forward to sharing good news in a few weeks. I am just trying to stay positive and picture what life will be like in a few months.

Every time I feel a wave of nausea, I feel grateful. Well, it is still no fun feeling sick, but I remind myself that this means my little baby is still growing and my body is doing what it needs to do. I am having a few challenges with worries, but am trying to stay positive for my baby.

David continues to be so helpful, especially when I need him to go get food for me and filling the dishwasher for me when looking at dirty dishes makes me feel sick. He always makes sure I am okay and asks how I am feeling, which makes a huge difference.

On October 30 we get our next ultrasound for what they call an NT test. It is a scan to look for markers of some genetic disorders and Down’s syndrome. I really just want to see how this baby has changed, as it will look so much different by then. It can’t come soon enough!

Here are the photos from Valerie’s first ultrasound. The two plus signs are them measuring the baby from head to rump. He or she is at 8 weeks and 3 days according to the measurement and the due date is currently May 12, 2013.

Our first appointment was yesterday, and despite many nerves my part it went very well! The nurse practitioner I saw was very nice and thorough. She took her time in answering my questions and listening to my concerns. When it came time for the ultrasound, she made sure to show me the little flicker of our baby’s heartbeat first thing. It was very inspiring for me to see that. The baby also measured spot on at 8 weeks and 3 days.

I have to make an appointment for another scan at 12 weeks, so I can’t wait to see how that goes. I am sure I will continue to be nervous at every stage, but for now I am trying to enjoy every moment. Luckily I haven’t been too sick 🙂

I have reached the 7 week mark! This pregnancy, every day seems like a miracle. I am so grateful for the chance to experience this again. So far, things have been relatively calm and easy. I haven’t been very nauseous, and aside from a bad cold I have been fighting all week, I am happy and healthy. My first appointment is on October 3rd, and I am anxiously awaiting the ultrasound. It is very difficult not knowing what is going on inside me, but I have to trust that all is well.

It has been 5 months since we have been without our baby. March and April were difficult, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Angel. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. My emotions were so low, but I slowly worked back to be myself. I missed being pregnant, even though it was tough many times.

This time around, I am more scared than excited. What can I do differently? I prayed for a healthy baby, but I needed to pray for strength for myself. I guess I had to experience that low in order to appreciate the struggle.

I wish I had another picture of our Angel Baby. I have one ultrasound from our 9 week appt. The image is fuzzy and a little hard to make out, but I know where her heart is. Funny how I thought it was a boy until the day I learned the baby had passed away. That night before I dreamed of a beautiful baby girl. Since then I thought she was a girl.

Now that I am pregnant again I want to treasure each precious moment, because I do know how sacred the time I have with my child is. I never got to feel my first baby move. I want that feeling, and to see his or her smiling or crying face. I want the baby clothes hanging in our closet to be put to good use soon.

Through all the heartache we have experienced, David and I are more solid than ever. We are grateful for our friends and family who were so supportive through our loss, and who will continue to be supportive this time around. We are determined to never forget our Angel, and to stay strong.

Baby Bonilla should now be the size of a lemon. Not sure if that is bigger than a peach, but Val’s iPhone app says that he or she is now the size of a lemon. And I was so proud that Val ate all of her California Pizza Kitchen pizza yesterday. After months of seeing her unable to stomach eating much of anything, her appetite is finally back to normal … more or less.

I am finally at 13 weeks and ready to start my second trimester! Oh wow, how much of a difference I feel now versus a few weeks ago! I honestly didn’t know how I was going to make it, but here I am!!! I told David yesterday that I went from being sick about 90% of the day to feeling great 90% of the day. It has improved my overall mood and helped me get even more excited about the months ahead.

Next week we have another doctor’s appointment. I can’t wait to see our little bundle once again! He or she should have less of a gummy bear form, and look more like a peach-sized baby.

While it is too soon to know the gender, we can’t wait to find out! They say we should know for sure by twenty weeks, which is only a few months away. By then (and maybe sooner), I should also start to feel the baby move. I am really excited for that to happen, because then it is really, REALLY, real!

So, here we are, full of hope and joy. I am taking care of Baby Bonilla the best I can. Can’t wait to see what is around the next corner 🙂

Here is a picture of baby Bonilla’s first toy. A gift from uncle Eddie, auntie Erica and cousins Esa, Eli, and Elena. A stuffed stuffed sea Chalupa.

With the secret not staying very secret among the Gonzales side of the family, which is expected given the level of excitement, we went ahead and gave my mom the go ahead to start telling my side of the family. She has been itching to spread the news to my aunts and uncles since she found out back in January.

It was so cute. She was super excited when we pushed her “go ahead” date up and told her to feel free to start telling family.

Apparently she immediately started making phone calls to tell everyone she is going to be a grandma.

However, we are still holding off until at least the end of the week to make it common knowledge.

At 12 weeks, baby Bonilla is now the size of a peach. Keep growing little baby and your mommy and I will keep trying our best to take care of you.

I made it! I am finally at 12 weeks, just one week away from starting my second trimester. Things are starting to get better, and I can see the better days ahead. It is amazing how much my attitude changes based on how my stomach feels. I guess that is true any time though.

In about 11 days I have another doctors appointment with another ultrasound. I can’t wait to see how much this little one has grown. According to all the Googling I have done, the baby should have a more “human” form. I want to see little arms and legs and hear that heartbeat again 🙂

I also want to say how much I appreciate my loving, supportive husband. David has been great, making sure I have whatever I need. It has been an interesting journey so far, but I wouldn’t want to take it with anyone else.

Most “experts” suggest that you do not make a pregnancy publicly known until after the 12th week, which is the end of the first trimester. After the 12th week is when the chances of complications drastically decrease. Well, Val is sitting at 11 weeks now so we are closing in on that timeframe.

People do know. My immediate family knows. Val’s immediate family and a few other members of her family know. Two of Val’s closest friends know. Val’s parents’ neighbors know. Imagine the confusion on my face when they congratulated Val. I think my mom’s dentist knows. Not sure I understand that one, but that’s fine too. A couple of Val’s coworkers know (they found out) as well as her boss. I’ve even agreed to give my mom a window to be able to be the first to tell my aunts and uncles before we made it public knowledge.

Sadly, none of my closest friends know. I have not even had an opportunity to the best man from my wedding, one of my closest friends … next to Val of course. Our schedules have just conflicted and it seems strange to tell him over email. Regardless, with the first trimester coming to a close soon, we will be able to make it public knowledge.

Val is still being strong, healthy, and amazing as usual.

Our baby is now the size of a large plum. I have to remember to look at one the next time I am at the grocery store to see just how big that is. I don’t eat a lot of plums.

Well Baby, we made it to 11 weeks. Sometime soon (according to the books) I should start getting my energy and appetite back to normal. I hope that is true, because no matter how much nutrition I want to give you I can’t seem to manage to eat it. Maybe you are just like your Daddy and don’t want to eat your veggies.

It has been a long road over a short period of time, but I keep my hopes up with all the milestones we have to come. I can’t wait to start feeling you move around. Right now you are probably enjoying all the space to float around and play astronaut. When things start to get cramped, don’t worry. You have a nice house that is waiting for you. Your Daddy and I will make a comfortable bedroom for you with everything you need. It will probably even have a 49ers blanket.

Baby, even though we don’t know who you are yet, know that your family loves you so much. We can’t wait to call you by name.

Watch out kid. With the way you have been making your mommy feel, you may get grounded right after you come out. Already in trouble and you are not even born yet. Sounds like my child alright.

Yeah. Our baby will be representin’. We found out Val was pregnant back in January. It was a week before our trip to San Francisco to watch the 49ers and Saints play in the second round of the playoffs. Right when we landed (the day before the game), I was insistent that we immediately go to The Shops at Tanforan‎ in San Bruno to look for baby 49ers clothes. The two sets to the left, which include three 49ers onesies, two 49ers beanies, a 49ers bib and booties, came from there. The little jacket and sweat pants came from Target in San Lorenzo. They are adorable.

When walking back to our car from The Shops at Tanforan with the baby clothes in hand, it finally really hit me for the first time how real it was. That was my first truly emotional moment. The second was seeing and hearing my baby’s heartbeat last week.

For our Bay Area friends who eventually see this, yes, we already knew Val was pregnant at this game. That is why she did not drink at the tailgate (anyone notice that?). The words on the fan towel I am holding seemed very appropriate.

Our baby has upgraded in size … to the size of a lime. Baby Bonilla is getting bigger. Val is now just over 10 weeks along. She is still feeling the discomforts of early pregnancy, but she is being strong.

I know it does not look like much right now and that it kind of looks like a strange gummy bear, but this is our baby. First we saw the outline and then we saw a fast little flutter, which the technician identified as the heart. Then she let us hear the heartbeat. It was amazing. I must admit, I started to tear up a bit. Of course, it is entirely possible that something may have been in my eyes, right?

I wanted to ask Valerie, “How are you doing this?! You are like magic! You can create people!” It was the first visual proof we had that our baby was in there. When I first saw the little gummy bear, it all kind of hit me how real this really was. It was joyous, inspiring, overwhelming, and even a little scary all wrapped into one incredible moment that will live with me forever.

What a great and emotional one-year anniversary we had today. This picture was a great gift. And the photo was on paper! That’s the traditional one-year gift, right?

At 9weeks, 3days, it is easy to imagine that I am pregnant. Day after day of feeling queasy and pants not fitting quite the same are my biggest clues. However, it seemed just like an imaginary thing. Something I know to be true, but still find hard to believe.

That is, until today. David and I saw our little gummy bear this afternoon, and it was pretty incredible! With one wave of her magic wand, the ultrasound tech showed me a new life. One with a strong, real, heartbeat. That little flutter and quick lub-dub made me realize exactly what was going on here.

There is a person growing inside me!! It is so crazy! Whoever he or she is, this baby is loved so much! Even though seeing the baby didn’t magically cure my nausea, or erase my tiredness, I have a bit more resolve that I can get through it all just for that tiny fluttering heart.